Delving through yet more dusty and long-forgotten family archives, i uncovered the centuries old tale of a particularly infamous ancestor of mine who apparently held the position of The King's Rumpfynder-General, a most noble and prestigious post which entailed many sacred duties in the service of his beloved monarch.
Deeply devoted to his work, my illustrious predecessor would travel far and wide along narrow country lanes and city thoroughfares, stopping only to inspect and assess the young ladies he so tirelessly sought, never once thinking of himself but only of his royal charge to seek out only the most pleasingly rounded and peachlike of olde England's bottoms for the King's delight.
His mouldering old manuscripts reveal that he held this enviable station in life for many years, in the course of which time he must have examined, felt and probably slapped thousand upon thousand pert posteriors and buxom backsides, all in the name of selfless servitude and a desire to please his master...surely this was a happy life indeed.
He was highly revered and whenever he rode into some leafy hamlet, the locals would eagerly thrust their prettiest womenfolk forward for his careful perusal, holding great feasts and drinking toasts in his honour whenever he eventually nodded his approval and carried the rosy-cheeked wench away with him.
Upon some reflection, i like to think that i may have inherited some of his discerning genes and unrivalled wisdom of the rump, that i may personally aspire to such great appreciation of the female form and perhaps to personally feast my eyes upon such innumerable examples of maidenly bums as did my noble forefather.
