Eyebrows were raised recently when our local priest, Father Felchpot, took it upon himself to take evensong whilst wearing a fetching pink tutu...or rather, eyebrows would have been raised had the congregation numbered more than five.

Of that paltry figure, two were extrememly elderly parishioners eternally in a fitful doze, also Mr Throbstone, who toiled with his troublesome organ throughout the service, oblivious to anything else around him, Prince Albert (a fugitive wombat from the local zoo) and Miss Rosetta Dandelion, a gently bumbling and bespectacled woman of a certain age.

Where Miss Dandelion was concerned, Father Felchpot had been overstepping the boundaries of common decency rather too much of late, peppering his conversation with innuendo and double-entendres ill befitting an ordained man of the cloth.

And here he was now, stood before her in his tutu and smirking like a lecherous old goat while those around them sat in stupid ignorance of her plight and increasing discomfort.

Only last sunday, he'd made a whispered remark to her about intending to pose naked for the next edition of The Parish Gazette and inferring that a private showing was hers for the asking.

Well, as Miss Dandelion told herself, enough was enough...if the bishop could turn a blind eye to the Father's ever advancing misdemeanours and with no thunderbolt from the heavens forthcoming, she would have to settle matters herself.

And settle matters she did.

As the dismal congregation hushed in prayer, (except for Prince Albert, who was by now happily chewing on the church's floral display) Father Felchpot crept towards his victim and readied himself to perform a most unholy and ungentlemanly act within her immediate proximity...

Then his eyes screwed tight shut in anguish, his scream echoing from the stony church walls, the church-goers suddenly startled into terrified wakefulness...

...too late he learned the strength of Miss Dandelion's resolve...and too late he learned that she'd brought her trusty set of nutcrackers along to evensong today.

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One Year Ago:
Touched