Once i knew an extremely hot and balmy summer, i don't recall exactly which year it was, but during that distant, hazy heatwave i had myself a little holiday romance. I remember it as The Summer of Betty Swollocks.
Betty was a wonderful creature with glasses like milk bottle bottoms through which her piggy little eyes were horrifically magnified, causing them to stare eerily at the world and at me in particular.
But the light of love also shone in those deranged orbs, burning with intense desire whenever she gazed deeply into mine. At least, i took it for desire although it may have merely been the sting of haemorrhoids which so inflamed her bizarre expression.
Together we sat on the pier, devouring toffee-apples and fresh whelks by the dozen, Betty's rancid body-odour perfectly complimenting her appalling breath. She was indeed a woman of great charm and mystery to my inexperienced soul.
Like a flapping, flailing halibut on the end of a line, i was securely hooked.
How her kisses intoxicated my senses, not least because she consumed half-a-pint of gin for breakfast every morning, but how my naivety adored her, quite oblivious to the numerous, odious stains that festooned her greasy attire.
On the final, glorious afternoon of my holiday, having spent hours in the sun making mad and passionate sandcastles together, Betty Swollocks took a donkey ride along the beach and i never again laid eyes upon her...but i do still remember her unique cologne whenever i pass an open drain.
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....prolly in an infected trance somewhere struggling with toilet paper....
.....
: ) you are nuts, lol