After my turbulent affair with my youthful first love, Fanny Salmon, i lived many long years in the shadows of love, pining and mournfully wailing over the loss of the girl who had seized my heart so recklessly, totally crushing my boyhood dreams beneath her muddy hobnail boots.
So defeated and bruised was i that i believed the sun would never again cast its warm glow over my broken heart.
Therefore, imagine my total disbelief when wandering cold and alone, miles from my home, i called into a deserted chip shop and beheld my own, dear Fanny slouched like a forsaken sack of potatoes behind the counter.
My mouth was dry and speechless as my heart thumped madly in my breast, simply gazing upon her vulgar splendour after all these years was enough to reduce me to a palpitating wreck of a man.
She glanced my way, absent-mindedly tugging her thong from the crack of her ample backside before addressing me: Yes love, you want summink?
In that instant the soul-destroying realisation hit me that Fanny didn't even remember me, i was a mere stranger to her now. I mumbled my order and cast my sorrowful eyes to the floor, wishing that it would open up and devour me.
Carelessly, she cast my chips into the greasy paper and handled my saveloy very roughly, (not for the first time in her life) before drenching them in salt and vinegar.
The motion of her shaking the vinegar bottle reminded me with a pang of what i'd missed about her all this time, but it was plain to me that she would never again be mine. I took my food and trudged away forlornly, clutching my wilting saveloy as i went.
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la_spice
Where the hell did you find that? 
Sounds painful!
Ah a man scorned is a pitiful sight! Keep your pecker up