There was an article in the paper that caught my attention, some poor man in Coventry has been suffering with a condition known as priapism, (the name comes from the god, Priapus, referring to that god's most notable attribute) so severe was his affliction that he has endured a permanent erection for a stunning seven years.
Imagine awaking this morning with a particularly rampant case of morning glory and seeing it remain undiminished until the year 2014. Would you consider this a blessing or a curse, would it be Heaven or Hell?
The man was forced to wear a knee-length coat even in the warmest weather to preserve his dignity, he went through numerous operations only to see his manhood still standing strong and proud, no matter what.
What a fantastic ice-breaker at parties, what a wonderful way to attract attention and inspire conversation, what a sure-fire way to make new friends.
Men who spend a fortune on viagra because they have the exact opposite problem will be cursing his name, wishing that they didn't know what it meant to try and put a marshmallow in a money box.
As you may perhaps guess, his loyal girlfriend stood by his side throughout the terrible ordeal, in fact, only one thing stood more loyally than her. She doesn't have the usual feminine complaints to her partner about splashes of urine on the toilet seat...although the bathroom ceiling is now in quite an awful state.
The poor man must have felt like a walking advertisement for Blackpool Rock.
It appears to have threatened his current career but i think i may have the solution for him, everyone has their ideal job which most suits their natural talents: he should apply immediately to the nearest bakery and become the man who has to make all those holes in ring doughnuts.
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.....poor man....er so where does he live did you say? 
I think he should tie a nice pretty bow round it - with pride! 
Thanks for that startling imagery, Seany. I'll never eat another donut again.
Oh, go on then, just the one!