In the Garden of Eden, Eve was already settling in and making improvements on the world that had been created for herself and her partner. She'd decided that the fig leaf was so last year and replaced Adam's with a more appropriate (she felt) strip of wilted spinach. There! His entire wardrobe upgraded and sorted in a few simple moments and now he looked just as stupid as he often acted.

She wandered around the garden looking at various leaves and pieces of foliage to cover her own flesh, briefly tempted by the roses but hastily discarding them when a thorn revealed itself in a rather unpleasant and painful manner.

Her simple husband was gnawing at raw vegetables in an effort to quell his hunger, takeaways and microwave meals being not yet invented, when Eve spotted the perfect item...a plump, green cabbage with luxuriant leaves and a fragrance that wouldn't inflame Adam's passions to greatly but would still show off her stunning figure to the rest of creation.

In no time at all she was parading about the garden in her brand new cabbage-leaf bikini and making eyes at the Serpent that watched her every move from a nearby branch, intently licking his lips in silence.

She remembered all too well what had happened that fine day when she'd tried that juicy apple; the Serpent was a far more attentive friend than her husband had ever been, no matter what that miserable bloke upstairs had said on the subject. Flirting was fun, she had decided and besides, her spouse was already boring her.

But poor Eve was, like many of her daughters that followed, not a very acute judge of character and whilst thinking that she was on the threshold of forbidden love with a mighty Serpent, instead discovered that she was merely the temporary plaything of an obscenely fat and overgrown caterpillar...who was gazing not upon her barely concealed curves but upon those tender cabbage leaves...

She became the first woman to realise that what may initially appear to be a monstrous and powerful snake, pulsating with strength and evil intent, could soon be seen by the cold light of day as nothing more thrilling than a glorified maggot.

Let Eve's lesson be also a lesson to yourself for cabbage leaves belong on the menu and not on the body, imagine your shame if you succumbed to your vanity and dolled yourself up in a cabbage-leaf two-piece only to see it nibbled away by some voracious predator.